Our nation’s birthday, son!

I’ll be swirlin’ sparklers like a menacing circus clown! Bet!

Then I’m sure a few wet rocket popsicles will slip from my fingers to the grass. The five second rule will be momentarily suspended.

Then (hope, hope) if my gun guy comes through, I’ll unleash a trilly grito and fire some kinda semi-automatic pistola with full metal jacket directly into the sky (or maybe at an angle to avoid bullet fallout, which I hate).

Put those bad boys together, we’ve got ourselves a red, white and true ‘Merican holiday!

(Jokes, everybody… just jokes. The closest thing I own to a gun is a leaky supersoaker, which I also hate)