The Emerald City and Big Apple are going for the win in the unnecessary censorship sweepstakes

In Seattle, an effort is being made for government workers to adopt new language when composing official documents or participating in work-related discussions in order to avoid offending its citizens–err, “residents” (because you can’t globally refer to the people living in your city as citizens if they’re merely residing there, silly).

In New York, the Department of Education advised schools to avoid references to “dinosaurs”, “Halloween”, and “birthdays” on tests because young Jehovah’s Witnesses and Creationists might academically underperform due to the stress they incur upon exposure to these kinds of words. I understand that ‘pork balls’ will still be an acceptable term for use on the school lunch menu except during Ramadan and ‘Bring Your Neutered Piggy to School Day’ .

The best part: Officials deny that these efforts are an attempt to censor speech because “such exclusions are normal procedure”. Oh, I see. That’s comforting. So, I’ll just take a nap, then.

Other offensive words Seattle civil rights leaders might have overlooked, which should also probably be banned from the local vernacular:
“You” – I mean, what about me?
“Invite” – Unless everyone’s invited
“Pig” – fatties, police, and antagonists in Trent Reznor songs know what I’m talking about
“Dazzle” – It’s, um, personal…
“Rambunctious” – Something about this word rings of evil. I’ve never trusted it.